Let’s Talk. She is someone I’ve loved since high school. Each time we talk, those “good ole days” make their way into our conversations. No matter how often we repeatedly discuss our shared experiences, we laugh about them as if we are hearing them for the first time all over again.
But yesterday, our conversation suddenly shifted.
Like an opened floodgate, she poured out what had been hidden for decades in the life rooms of her thoughts and heart. She shared something with me that I can’t seem to shake. Yet, her opening up about it has noticeably broken the shackles that had her bound, and now, has made her free.
Her transparency led me to ponder the fact that many women raised by selfish parents often internalize negative messages about themselves. Those reared in a hostile and abusive environment where the phrases “you are no good” and “it’s your fault” are the norm, early on, begin to question their competence and intelligence.
Nagging self-doubt rings loudly in their ears and just doesn’t seem to go away.
My childhood friend, who suffered a lot during her upbringing, is determined to fight limiting beliefs, both personally and in the lives of her children. These days, she is an exceptional wife and mother who is intentionally creating a different and more affirming environment in her home.
What once plagued her is now her testimony. She uses the troubling experiences as a foundation for encouraging today’s youth to somehow move past their own hurt and fear, to pursue destiny.
You may have issues with self-doubt too, after seeds were planted in you through negative childhood messages. Because of this, you might struggle to give yourself credit, or often feel unworthy. But, no matter what your past history looks like, today is a new day.
It is time to uproot those seeds and plant new ones.
You can defy all odds and show the world you are worthy simply because the price for your freedom was already paid. If you are plagued by self-doubt, I want to share a few directions to help you embrace your recovery process.
Acknowledge Tell Tale Signs – If you constantly say things like, “I don’t feel up to the task”; “I’m not sure”; “It’s too hard”; or “I may be rejected,” these could be indicators of a weakening confidence. Don’t underestimate their destructive power. Listen intently to your words and begin questioning, “Why am I saying this?” You cannot conquer what you aren’t willing to confront.
Design a Plan – Make the conscious effort to immediately shift the self-limiting statement and say the exact opposite. Counter your negative reaction with positive self-talk. What you say is so powerful that you can talk your way into or out of almost anything. I suggest that you begin journaling your thoughts about how you will jump-start your confidence and authenticity. Design your own plan and follow through on it.
Seek Support – Research has found that positive support, warmth and mentoring can directly reduce self-doubt. As a human, your intelligence, perception and self-determination far exceed that of any other earthly being. Occasionally, we need to be reminded that God has given us the power to live the “exceedingly, abundantly, above all” life. Seek professional support to help you push past the self-doubt that brings on unwanted mediocrity and complacency.
Deep within is where your confidence lies.
Question: What can you do this week to uproot the seeds of self-doubt?
What did I miss? What are other ways to uproot self-doubt? Share in the comments below.
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LifeDesign Specialist and Catalyst Dr. Deana Murphy helps modern high-achieving women DesignWith™, bring order to chaos and make life easier. Get Dr. Deana’s ‘25 Mistakes the High-Achieving Woman Makes that Will Kill Her Success’ and other free downloads at DeanaMurphyGlobal.com